Let’s talk about post traumatic stress.
It is not just for soldiers coming back from war, and it is necessary to talk about it so we can identify it better and understand where more people are coming from.
“Post traumatic stress is a brain adaptation. It is not an imagined fear. If one of your feet was bitten off by a lion, you’re going to be on guard for lions. Hypervigilance is not an imagined fear, if you’ve had one foot bitten off by a lion. It’s a real fear, and you’re going to be on the lookout for that lion.” – Dr. Daniel Sumrok
Post-traumatic stress, in my experience, is the same as hypervigilance. We are hyper aware of things now, because we have experienced something traumatic and it has altered our brains, it has altered the way we see everything – events, experiences, life in general. And it takes help to manage and allow your brain to relearn how to get past that altering.
When we experience traumatic events, our brains literally start to rewire themselves to allow space to make sure that traumatic event does not happen again, so we are on the lookout constantly for this event to happen over again, and hopefully, help us prepare. Really, post traumatic stress is our brains helping us to prepare for trauma and survive trauma again. It is trying to help, however, most of the time it just feels heavy, like a weight holding us down. It sure does not seem helpful in the moment and causes so much anxiety and, well, stress.
My post traumatic stress story is probably similar to most – I experienced one of the worst moments of my life and now my brain is on overdrive trying to prepare if it happens again and also trying to look out for signs that it will happen again, honestly, it is exhausting.
I have experienced other events that caused some PTS, the biggest event that triggered so much PTS was with my daughter. She had her first cough, and it sounded so terrible, but it did not even wake her up, it was so much worse for me to listen to than it actually was for her to experience.
Well, after that cough started, she got worse and ended up in the hospital on oxygen for ten days with a super nasty virus (no, it wasn’t covid, I feel like we have to clarify that constantly these days). However, this triggered something in me I did not know was there, and that is because it was not there prior to this. After this very traumatic experience, every single time she has coughed has brought up this intense fear of all of this happening again and it is the worst. Even the tiniest cough and my brain goes right back to every single day in that hospital with her. It is not like I am remembering what it was like, my brain is actually right there in that moment. I go back in time to the point that I can feel what I was wearing and hear the sounds of the machine and the bubbles from the oxygen. I can feel it all like I am still there. That is what post traumatic stress is like for me.
I have to remind myself that she is ok, and even if she is not ok, we will get her to be ok and we can go through it again and survive. We don’t want to, but we can. I also have to remind myself in those situations that I am not in that moment, I am safe and she is safe. Sometimes I had to actually pinch myself to send my brain that reminder, and that is habit I am working to get out of, however it works so well for me to jolt myself back in to the current moment with her. But damn, that’s it, just a tiny cough and I am back there.
It also happens with my husband. If you have read any of my work, you know that my husband is an alcoholic in recovery. He is coming up on three whole years sober, and it is so amazing. But even three years, and a lot of therapy later, I still have moments where I experience post traumatic stress from his drinking days. Any time I hear him getting ice and putting in his cup it takes me back to so many moments that I wish I did not remember. It takes me right back there and my heart goes in to a rage and again, I have to remind myself that I am not in that moment, and I am safe in the current moment. It is so difficult and it took me a lot of time, and asking for help to heal from this trauma and attempt to move forward. It will always be there, however, it will become easier to detach from.
And knowing that I can detach from is what helped me the most. I can lovingly remind myself that I am detaching from the trauma and reminding myself that I am safe in the moment, and I am not currently in the situation that brought on the trauma, I am safe. I remind myself over and over again. I have the power over the situation, I have the power over my thoughts and at the same time, I am observing these thoughts as a spectator and can stop at any moment. They are not real, and I am safe.
I cannot tell you how much this has helped me to heal and move forward and again, knowing that this stress is not going to disappear altogether but that I do have control over it and I am detaching from it is the most powerful thing.
The most important thing to remember is that you are not crazy. PTS is not crazy, though I have felt like I was many times. It is not. Your brain is actually reacting completely rationally to being in a traumatic situation, it is actually super common and what I would call normal. Your brain wants to protect you and that is exactly what it is doing.
If you need help managing PTS, please find it. It is worth it, and if you need a recommend, reach out and let me know and I will happily help you find someone. And in the meantime, if you need someone to talk to, I am here as well.
Happy healing.
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