Let’s talk about….Mindfulness.
I have been reading a ton lately, on mental health and gut health and parenting. So many topics and
yet, the main focus of all these topics has come back to mindfulness.
What is mindfulness? I credit most of my knowledge on mindfulness to my first therapist, and Jon Kabat Zinn. I was devoted to learning more for a long time and then life got in the way. However, with reading all of these topics and having the main focus be mindfulness, I am jumping back in.
It seems like mindfulness is the way to all types of happiness and calm in your life, and I am here for it.
Mindfulness is learning to live life moment by moment and not put too much stock in what is coming or what has happened. Also attempting to not think too much in to life, and let things happens as they will. It is extremely hard to practice. It is also incorporating self-awareness and taking the time in the moment to honor whatever feelings are present, including feelings like anger, and then let them pass. It is truly looking in to what you are feeling and being present with that instead of acting on it immediately.
Now, imagine being super angry and instead of yelling or acting out of the that anger you are able to stop for a moment, maybe even say out loud that you are angry, honor that and move on. You would be in control of your emotions and rather than letting them take over, you are able to take control back, honor your body (because no emotions are bad), and respond to yourself and others instead of reacting in the moment. You are able to feel it all and be ok with what your emotions are. Self-compassion comes in to play as well here, and it is so beautiful.
But it is really fucking hard. Really hard. Especially when you have lived your whole life not listening to yourself or honoring your emotions, and even feeling shame around some emotions and feelings. It takes so much practice and I feel like when I was digging in to it before, I would get angry or frustrated and act out of those emotions instead of being in the moment, and then give up because clearly I wasn’t meant to do this. But that is the entire point – practicing. And eventually you will be able to do it.
I learned in therapy that when I yell (which I did very often), my husband would completely shut down, which would ensue a who other fight. I had to really learn how to stop yelling and that involved mindfulness and getting in touch with what I was feeling and instead saying something like “I feel very angry right now and I am working on not yelling so I really need to you to listen” or I would take a break to take a couple of deep breaths. It worked. I rarely yell these days and am able to express what I need or take a break if I need to. But it took years.
I do find it interesting though, that in everything I am reading and learning the center of it all is mindfulness and how adding that practice to your life can make life calmer and happier. Including parenting. Instead of getting frustrating and angry when your kids are acting up, you can take a moment and remain calm for them. I have yet to experience the toddler tantrum, but I am hoping practicing more will help me handle that part of parenthood. Working on yourself is truly the most important part of parenting.
I highly recommend looking up videos by Jon Kabat Zinn on mindfulness meditation and starting a 5 or 10 minute practice each day. And when you are starting to overthink the past or future, remember that it is what is and you cannot change the past but you can be mindful of what you are doing now and move forward. And while we need to plan for the future, you can also understand that things will fall in to place and overthinking will not change that outcome either. (what a huge practice that is).
When you are feeling any emotion, stop for a moment and honor that emotion in your body and observe what comes up for you and do not respond to it immediately, just observe what is happening in your body. Start there and continue to work on that and eventually you will just naturally start to do this. And remember that it takes a lot of time and practice and forgiving yourself for not practicing.
It is so worth it, and so true that the center of happiness and calm in your life is being mindful of what you are doing, no matter what you are going through, it really does help with everything.
Happy mindfulness practicing all!
Comments