Let’s talk about….4 years alcohol free.
First, let’s talk about why I say alcohol free. I don’t deserve to state that I am sober – I did not have an addiction to alcohol. I decided one day that I was not going to drink anymore and stopped, just like that. That is not reality for so many people (my husband included), so I do not deserve to title myself as sober, but I am alcohol free. There is a difference (to me).
When I first decided to stop adding alcohol in to my life, several people assumed it was because my husband is an alcoholic and I was stopping to support him. However, he had not stopped drinking at this time. He was back and forth in the struggle of addiction. I did get comments about how this was his problem and not mine and I did not need to stop. I know that, and yes, part of the reason I stopped drinking was to support him.
However, four years ago, some friends took me out for my birthday and I had an Angry Orchard (I do miss those), halfway through I put it down and did not touch it again. I lost the desire. And the plans I had made did not go through (which involved not going to a bar or drinking) and we ended up at a bar, that might have also had something to do with it. The next morning I woke up and declared to myself that I was done.
Alcohol had never served me well in my life. I actually did not like the taste of it at all if I was being honest (other than Angry Orange and a good bloody mary), I was realizing that I did not know when to stop – I would start and then just keep going and end up making an ass out of myself. I felt like shit always the next day, and usually wondered who I pissed off or if I made an ass of myself (usually both), and not knowing killed me. I always felt guilty and shitty, every single time I drank. Looking at all of these things – I wonder why I ever drank anyway, but I knew it was to fit in and so I did not get shit from everyone around me. And I loosened up. But it was never a good time after the fact.
What is interesting, is I had no idea what to do. I didn’t know how to go out and not drink. I was actually a little scared of what I would do. How would I socialize without drinking. Society has completely fucked us up with the over-normalization of alcohol consumption. To think of worrying so much about what else I could do is insane. I even thought, we just finished our pool, how am I going to go out there and relax without a delicious drink?! It really fucked with my head, and realized my husband must be really scared of what he is going to do without alcohol, if I, as a non-alcoholic, have these thoughts. How freaking scary it must be.
And of course I got the pressure and the questions. The assumptions around why and people judging me. Some people getting super insecure to drink around me, and let me tell this right now, live your own fucking life. If alcohol is serving you, then drink it, I don’t need to know about it and I honestly don’t give a shit about it in the least. Live your life. Don’t worry about me or even what I think about it, because I don’t think about it. You do you. But please, for the love of all that is holy, let me do me as well.
Stop asking people why they are not drinking. Stop asking people if they are pregnant (one of the worst things I was asked). Stop asking people if they are stopping forever. Stop giving judgments about it. Stop assuming they will no longer be social. Just. Fucking. Stop. You have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives, and here is the best part. It is none of your business. At all. So if someone doesn’t order alcohol or says they are not drinking, then just say ok. There is no reason for you to pry into any more information than that. It is none of your business. None one asks why someone has stopped doing heroine, stop asking about alcohol. The most abused substance and one of the most dangerous – alcohol effects every single organ in the body, just a fun fact. Imagine if every time you had a drink someone was there asking you why and making you feel shitty about it? Does that sound like a good time? Nope. But that is typically what happens if someone is out with others and not drinking.
Since I have stopped consuming alcohol, my life has truly transformed. I do not go out much anymore, which may sound super lame, but instead I am saving money and getting enough sleep. I am taking care of myself like none other, being alcohol free, to me, has been a form of radical self-love that has bled over in to all other areas in my life. I have a thriving marriage that continues to get better (this has also depended on him getting sober as well), we have a gorgeous baby girl and life is moving along at a wonderful speed. Do I wish we did things more often? Absolutely and we are working on that. Do I sometimes miss alcohol or crave it? Absolutely, especially after a long hike. Do I miss the people I used to hang out with that no longer seem to make time for us? Sure, but honestly not really. I now have amazingly supportive people in my life that do activities with me that do not involve alcohol, or if they do, I don’t get all the frustrating questions from. I love them dearly and have been able to make room for them in my life by walking away from mostly alcohol driven friendships.
Now for the reasons. I lost two very important people in my life to alcohol. My husband is an alcoholic and there for a long time I actually hated alcohol and wanted nothing to do with it in my life in any way. I would be angry at people for drinking, which I have moved past at this point. However, I was done associating with it for myself. As well as the reasons above, I was done with it. This is my decision, and again, I don’t think about whether other people drink or not anymore, that is their business just as my decisions are my business. Somehow though, it is normal for people to intoxicate themselves and somehow not normal at all for others to be sober. Its maddening especially in a time when we are allowing the over-normalization of alcohol in our society.
Do what is right for you for your life. And if you need support to be alcohol free, please always know you can reach out to me and I will do whatever I can to support you.
And if keeping alcohol in your life is what you want, by all means please live your life and enjoy that, but please understand that it is not for everyone and no one needs additional comments about their choices, just like you don’t. If we are all more supportive of one another, these wont even be issues at all.
Happy four years alcohol free to me! I am celebrating today.
The photo below was taken when I came across this background while doing the cover for my book. It just seemed fitting, and it's ok, you can laugh at it. It's a joke.
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